How long can someone with narcissistic tendencies maintain a facade of fake love before their true self is revealed? Is there a specific trigger or amount of time that causes them to reveal their true nature?

how are they with money?

Do they have shady work histories? Shady histories? Shady pasts lacking huge chinks of time? Do they say they have been to other countries yet they know no one there or have no reasonable reason for international or out of state travels? Huge red flags

if they talk alot about themselves or dominate the party or conversation thats a red flag.

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do your family or friends or colleagues tell you gently something is off with them but you just wave it away or justify their offness? I sure did - for years

how are they with you checking thrir phone? After all you have nothing to hide on yours do not think it is bot your right to randomly just ask to see their phone. I went five years with them taking their phone to the bathroom (no it does not take an hr to poop) , they leave their phone face down. Or they have notifications turned to silent. Do they have it passworded solid? Those that hide nothing from you have nothing to hide. Many a time i wanted to check his lap top and phone and felt lime it would cause a fight if i asked guess what. That was a five year snoke n mirror trick and their would have been a fight alright it would have been me saying pack your bags.

they use the im so overwhelmed bullshit line on you. If they pin their stress or their anger or irritability on you and it feels very wrong. Its because it is

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are you not permitted to meet their ...

try saying no

Do they project? Did You catch them flirting and they say no your just too sensitive, your eyes didnt see what you thought you saw and actually maybe you are the one who is too flirty? Nope stick to your guns they love to gas light

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are you isolating more?

is your relationship one sided? Controlling?

what is their temperment? how do they deal with conflict?

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If the tell you im not a cuddler, i dont like to kiss and i dont like foreplay or ild prefer to have sex and then slerp in another bed - well lets just say intimacy avoidance is something your going to want to figure out because you DONT want your sex life controlled or flat or non existant. You want to go five yrs with an avoidant type? Your relationship will go straight off the rails. Watch for patterns. All cluster b exhibit payterned behaviour and no they dont change

beware of the folks that tell you they are different from other men or other women

do they have weird relationships with their parents? Mysoginistic? Do they treat you different when they are in public verses at home? Do they treat others differently or even better then you and bo thats not jealousy that is a hallmark.

Why cant school buses ditch kids who are late to the bus at the school? Like on the way home, if a kid is late when all the others arrived to the bus on time, why cant they leave the late kid behind since its not fair to the on time kids to wait?

a narc ususally goes in hard and fast , sometimes that “soul mate” bull shit. You are the only one that gets me. They Rush into sex, rush into dating. They dont usually take it slow. Their goal is ownership and that may take the phony presentation of love bombing (not always) , mirroring and grooming.

do you feel in your gut when they arent with you they are up to no good? Please dont wave this off as you being insecure. Ild rather you fofure it out before you get an std.

what is their sexual history? Dont be afraid to be a sleuth and ask subtle questions to family and friends about their sating history.

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beware of multiple f book profiles, multiple emails and do not be afraid to check dating sites when they say they are off

if you have children and they dont, you cohabitate together and the step parent figure does bot like your kids or shows jealousy or beflect or contempt or blind anger get out. Your kids deserve a happy childhood and if you take the partner over your kids ill promise you you ll regret that choice until the day you die. Your kids are your all do not ever forget that

are everyone of their exes bitches or assholes? Or do they sell you the all my relationships had no problems. Sorry real boats rock. Be careful of how far that pendulum swings.

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use boundaries and stick to them

are you having more bad days with them then good days?

do you find yourself gratuitously apologizing to them?

My landlord just sold the house I’m renting from her. She included all fixtures, that I bought and installed. Does she have this right?

often they do not treat pets well or normally …

Well my answer still remains the same around the three months if you do your reading and research you will see tiny red flags, ommissions and have insight into what to look for.

how do they feel about you if you take a weekend for yourself or dont text them every day. Its ok to have space and its ok to see how they respond to you having me time. Remember in the beginnjng they go hard/fast , they own, they lust and they mark their territory.

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

do you start walking in egg shells?

you gotta be three steps ahead of them. Do not blindly trust anyone!

are you afraid to say your opinion because they will argue or gove you the silent treatment?

What song are you listening to right now? What does it mean to you?

If they ruin christmas or bdays or anniversaries - red flag

You look for their past rekationships. You look for patterns . Patterns with family, work, how they treat customer service workers, waiters. Watch how they give or recieve gifts … this takes time , coverts are the tricksters of all tricksters but i promise you look for the signs and dont let your guard down. Their actions have to match their words.

a few things you can try

Why did my ex-narcissist move so fast with his new supply marriage engagement moving in, etc.?

if you notice your doing all the work in the relationship red flag

if they say they dont think they have to say they love you often, they dont often surprise you with thoughtful gifts or show you ways of how much you mean to them, no just because cards or effort into romance , youve got a dudd. Trust me their are those that may not be overtly open with affection and then their are those that outright neglect you. Huge difference

are you more anxious now that you are dating them but you dont know why?

addictions issues or you notice they are over indulging? Lack impulse control?

Everything looks perfect, you feel a chemical rush that feels like you and the narc are inseperable and you forget that taking it slow gives you time to really get to know eachother. Sex on date one or date two is not always the best thing for someone who wants to hold back and see what you have in common. Yould be surprised after the discard how little the two of you REALLY had in common.